This Wedding Invitation Is Causing A Ruckus On Social Media For Putting Guests Into 3 Different Groups (Interview)
Because of the coronavirus, the bride and groom who sent out the invitation divided people up into 3 groups, based on how close they are to the happy couple.
This Wedding Invitation Is Causing A Ruckus On Social Media For Putting Guests Into 3 Different Groups (Interview)
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The Covid-19 pandemic is changing the landscape of weddings as we know it. While some people are postponing their celebrations of love for a post-Coronapocalypse world, others are doing what they can to get married ASAP. When New Yorker Marie von Aue posted a photo of an unusual notice that came with a wedding invitation on Twitter, she started a heated discussion. Because of the coronavirus, the bride and groom who sent out the invitation divided people up into 3 groups, based on how close they are to the happy couple.

While those in Group A get preferential treatment and ought to RSVP quickly, those in groups B and C should keep an eye out to see if there are any openings at the wedding. Just in case someone cancels. Some internet users were appalled by this wedding invitation but others thought that there was nothing wrong with it because we’re in the middle of a pandemic.

Bored Panda wanted to get an expert opinion about the invitation that von Aue received and about how the pandemic has affected the wedding industry, so we reached out to The Celebrant Society. Scroll down for the interview.

Anna from The Celebrant Society told us that it's a very unique time for everyone right now and that couple are trying to navigate these situations to the best of their abilities while trying to keep their family, friends, and other loved ones happy and involved.

"Guests should really try to understand that couples are trying their hardest to follow guidelines, recommendations, and instructions from their venues and vendors while also trying to celebrate their union. It’s a time for everyone to try their hardest to be understanding, compassionate, and flexible."

Anna stressed that the wedding industry is struggling badly right now. "Vendors have seen booked out calendars dissolve into full lists of cancellations for months ahead. There’s no endpoint right now and we’re just trying to stay afloat until life gets back to some semblance of normal."

Weddings can be a real hassle. You can be sure that whatever decisions you end up making for your wedding, there will be plenty of people who disagree with you. Even if it’s a stranger’s wedding. So it’s no wonder that plenty of people had something to say about the notice that came with the invitation. Some Twitter users were civil while others couldn’t control their expletives.

Whatever people’s opinions in this particular case, getting married in the middle of this pandemic can be a logistical nightmare. The rules for how many guests you can have and what you’re allowed to do are different depending on where you live and what the date is. So while certain states in the US might have their own rules, the British across the pond have their own take on what is and isn't allowed regarding weddings.

For example, the BBC reports that wedding ceremonies of up to 30 people are allowed to take place in England from July 4. Previously, weddings had been almost entirely banned from March 23. Meanwhile, from August 1, up to 30 people will be allowed to attend the reception afterward (only 6 people outside and 2 households inside can attend them before this date).

So imagine having not just a wedding to plan but also having to become an expert in Covid-19 regulations as you do it. No wonder that some people might resort to sending out notices like the one that von Aue posted!

What do you think about the peculiar wedding invitation and notice that von Aue posted, dear Pandas? Would you send out something similar or do you think it’s wrong to create a hierarchy of people based on how much you like them? Let us know in the comment section below.

Comments (124)
Little Wonder
Invite your nearest and dearest and leave it at that, B & C lists aren't about bringing people you love to your wedding, they're about filling seats so the photos look good and hoping for gifts.
Chris Largent
How about this: Don't tell any of the invitees which group to which you've assigned them. Set RSVP deadlines, both mail-in and online. Mail out Group A invitations first, and right before the RSVP window closes, mail out Group B invitations, suited to the number of seats still available.
I would have just invited group A. But I really agree with the commenters wondering why people get so offended they're not on the top list. I mean, of course my grandma comes before some random university friend in my list.
I'd like to be in group D please. Not invited at all.
To the person that commented it's "tacky" to ask guests to leave the kids at home, I think that's completely unfair. If you want your wedding to be adults only, that's a reasonable request, just makes sure invites go out with enough notice for people to get care. Especially for those who get married later and want to party with their friends who may already have kids. One day I see myself in this situation as I know I won't have kids but my best friend will, and I'd still want her there.
Kenny Kulbiski
Make everyone happy. Elope
Why not only invite people from group A?
Leo Domitrix
We just went to a judge with two witnesses. Done and dusted. Everyone equally offended.
I find weddings boring and tedious and only attend out of obligation. Put me on list C please.
Dianna Siever
As an aunt of MANY, who are at marrying age, I'm a person the couple would generally invite, and I would generally go. However, by all means, I'd MUCH rather they pick a best friend over me. Put me on the "C" list, but invite me. It shows the thought and hope was there, but not the means. Also, asking for no "plus one" is more than reasonable in the pandemic. Come on, the couple wants their very dear loved ones, not the current fling.
jeez, what the f*ck the big deal here is??? there's a corona restrictions all over the world, of course the people need to plan little more carefully and some whiny bitches instead of being understanding will whine about not being in "group A"? especially if they most likely are not closest friends or relatives? and Megan Kelley Hall is the biggest of the stupid bitches ever
Brandy Grote
Far less insulting to just not invite so many people. I had 14 people at my wedding, it was perfect.
chi-wei shen
Depending on your financial contribution you are in first class, business class or economy class. I would choose to stay at home.
Mewton’s Third Paw
I think it would be okay if there weren’t group C. Like what is the purpose of doing that? Group B, fine, because of COVID maybe you’re not a priority guest. Group B people might be mad if they don’t get an invite so I see why the couple went in this direction. But why group C?? Just divide them into two groups. Those who are priority and those who are not. The C just seems like an added insult.
Marcellus the Third
The hope is that there's an empty group C, existing only to make the B's feel better... Planning the Wedding From Hell, I'd reverse that. But yeah, traditionally you simply stagger invites if there's an issue, and don't spell out 'group A, B, C, ...'. In some countries you have the [church] wedding followed by a reception, but the reception is only for those that haven't been invited to the dinner party later, here group B+C I guess (plus closest of family also at reception).
I think on every wedding you know if you are A, B or C so what is the surprise
Becca Gizmo the Squirrel
I get the reasoning behind it but I feel it was worded tacky. I had a rollercoaster of emotions with this but in the end I feel it was ok, just tacky.
People are shits when it comes to weddings. It is The Newlywed's day - not aunties and uncles and colleagues. Geez. Suck it up. It's not about the guests preferences and self-value visions. I had my wedding during this pandemic. Invited 15 people. 2 were offended that they are not our bridesmaid / best man, even tho their ID's were expired for years and not taken care of & it would not be possible to get new ones since the COVID before our wedding date hits. So yeah, we picked a pair of friends, that had their IDs valid. And by doing so We - in their opinion - offended someone who was said to be our best friend and who did not even showed up at the wedding nor send stupid "best wishes" via text message. And so we had 10 people reception in our backyard. And have 2 friends less, because they won't even answer our calls. So yeah, people are shits and be offended about the most stupid, invalid things you can possibly imagine.
Captain Legible
I consider weddings a hassle and waste of time if I don't really consider one of the couple to be a close friend. So finding myself on the B list would assuage my conscience nicely when I send the "Can't make it" RSVP. If I considered myself a close friend and found myself on the B list, I'd have to re-evaluate the friendship. And this too, would assuage my conscience nicely.
Kady Maree Mcgrath
I think this is a good idea and to some of the tweets to this saying don't stay in contact with me I think they need to grow up
Aunt Messy
We deliberately got a venue that can only handle 50 people and only sent out 30 invitations. There were 38 people there...including the bride and groom. It was a blast.
Amy Grant
My bestest (at that time) friend never even told me that they get married. Just sent me some vague photo without Hi or explanation months later. So I'd me much less offended, if someone told me: "We are getting married, but we cannot invite you due to budget, capacity". Not a big deal! I'd get it!
Victoria Swift
I hope all these people who paid ahead for a huge party, but now can only host 50 to 100 get some of their money back from these venues.
Diane Knight
I've mentioned to folks for years, 'you don't have to have a wedding to get married ,but you do have to get married to have a wedding'. Priority is a factor. When the time is right to have a blow-out party do it by postcard, if interest is still there.
Tara Stevens
I wouldn't be offended...I'd be relieved! Forking our for a expensive gift and expensive outfit for a long boring day, a crappy meal and more boringness, the best bit is getting drunk and having a dance with your mates...and that's what weekends are for!
Kimberley McMillan
How about this? Don't have a wedding. They're a waste of money. Go find a JOP and have a party later once restrictions are lifted. Wedding culture is so stupid.
I've never understood why it's expected to invite strangers to people's big days just because they're dating someone who's invited. They have been to a party without their SO before, haven't they?
The percentage of idiots in the population seem to increase daily.
M O'Connell
I don't think there really is a "Group B" or "Group C", this is to make people who don't really want to come to the wedding anyway change their RSVP to 'no' so they don't feel like they are taking up space for someone who really does want to attend.
M Branch
Reading this just reaffirms my 20 years of zero regrets about eloping.
The person on this list is a group A. Maybe they don't understand the relationships of the group B people. People who are unlikely to come. Old rooms mates, etc. However the group B people are in my opinion, not obligated to bring a gift.
Irina Ionascu
Like others have said, it’s not new that you have “tiers” for guests. It is however tacky to let the guests know that you do and also let them know what tier their are. You’re basically telling someone “I would like you to attend but not THAT much”
You know, people are having a tough enough time planning weddings right now, I don't think they need to be critiqued on how they go about dealing with seating restrictions. You obviously have one group of people in your life who you would be crushed if they could not attend. But then you have another group who is almost that close, people you really would LIKE to be there if possible, but would have to cut out if limited seating. And then you might also have a third group of people who you'd want to see there, but they don't quite rank in the first two groups. I think they could have handled the invitation better, but someone would have leaked the A group one anyway, so these people cannot win. Let them have their wedding in peace, for mercy's sake. This pandemic thing is new to all of us, and they're just trying to get as close to the wedding they wanted as possible.
How does one not upset people who think the are obvious first choices? Most of us would want family there, and in some families that would fill up the 47. Be happy you're include in their plans, and wish them well in these uncertain times!
I like it, I see nothing wrong. Especially with leaving kids at home.
Steve Cruz
If the bride is bright and has a great sense of humor, my guess is that EVERYONE received the same note saying they are in "Group A."
Richard Brown
Wouldn't it be funny if every invite said 'You are in Group A'
Missus Magoo
I see their point due to COVID but if I were in the second group there's NO WAY I'd be watching their website to see if a vacant spot became available!
We did courthouse, then wedding for west coast family in CA, then another wedding for east coast fam in FL. Worked out great, and we had double good times!
Wedding invitations are always going to be tricky. I try not to be ever offended when I'm not invited to one because it's just all costly and complicated to handle (where do you draw the line?). I think this wasn't handled the best but the people who take it so personally being put into the group B/C seem quite self-centred.
I'm more offended by the guy who thinks that you shouldn't invite anyone who has kids if you don't want your reception turned into an episode of Romper Room on crack. Guessing he's one of the parents who thinks that their little angel can do no wrong and craps cotton candy.
Katinka Min
The wedding invitation designer had it right: Of course, you need to do this kind of thing, in these times, just don't let people know! Insist on RSVPs and then fill the empty spaces. I'm not so sure about uninviting the kids. On the one hand, it is fair to want to have a quite wedding and loud party, on the other it is rather offensive to the guests. i'd talk with close friends who are parents individually and ask what they think. This invitation is a giant foot-in-the-mouth.
Kate Marešová
I don't get what is so wrong about this. I was invited to a similar wedding, it was not so strict (like with replying and website), but because of budget reasons everyone was invited to join the ceremony but only close family was invited for celebratory lunch. If you are bothered you are not in the "special" group then you are not a good friend at all. Otherwise you would understand that those decisions must be done (either for budget or now for covid reasons).
Tenay Douglas
TBH I think specifying whose in what group is actually necessary, if they didn't want anyone in group B or C to attend they never would have put them on the list; and for all we know this couple might have large families or just a lot of close friends (who could have introduced them or pushed them together). While group B and C could be full of extended family, and aunts and uncles and cousins. Also asking people to keep their kids at home is understandable, children could possibly spread the disease to older family members, not to mention most kids under the age of 13-15 probably wouldn't even be interested in the wedding itself or have knowledge of the couple that's getting married; and this way more of their aunts and uncles could attend.
I hearby establish a fourth group: Not Interested.
Ruth Beaty
I'd say a bunch of entitled gits approved of this type of invite in those comments shown above in the article, along with the bride and groom! If you have to limit your guest list do it, don't to act like some tacky celebrity and do this, really. You are supposed to be inviting people to join you in a celebration of your commitment, not a greedy grab for presents.
Ramona Rhein
Invite family. Expect NO gifts, only companionship and thank all for the best wishes. Simple. Humble. Less of an asshole.
Good grief! If you don't want people to bring a "+1" don't put a "+1" on the invitation. Everybody knows that invitations are only for the people/person listed on the envelope! It's common knowledge and common courtesy. So don't invite them to bring someone then tell them not too. This online garbage is just that. I'd RSVP through the mail like God and Miss Manners intended. (And that RSVP would be to decline the invitation.)
Random Panda
While it might not have been the smartest move to let your guests know you have different priority groups of guests, it is not something to shame the bride and groom over. This is normal, of course some guests are more important than others and most people can probably tell which group they are in without having to be explicitly told. Then there is a global pandemic going on, which has clearly thrown a wrench in a lot of wedding planning. It is also perfectly reasonable not to want kids at your wedding. All the people getting offended are the entitled ones here.
They just want to keep people safe and demonstrate social responsibility.I'm sure. Nothing offensive here.
Lily Iris
I don't like wedding and really never wanted to have one, nor did I evee dreamt of the white gown. I do not understand the problem with not being invited. Surely an adult can understand the situation and handle the fact of not being an A lister
Or how about, know how many people you can invite, and choose from your close family and friends. If you have to have a smaller wedding, people will understand that. What they won't understand is being treated as if they should be getting down and kissing the feet of the people inviting them. I'm shocked that people don't find this the epitome of bad manners.
I would call the groups differently maybe than A B C
I live in the country. I could invite and hide 300 people easy.
Kelp Shake
You know what's self centered? Having a wedding during a pandemic. I do NOT want to be at my mother's wedding and already stepped down from MOH. You can still be with the guy you like, you can still get married but will waiting a year for a dream ceremony truly be that awful?
Katrin P.
I actually don't get why so many people think this invitation is impolite ore anything like that. It's practical, it shows effort and we all know the situation right now.
abby smink
I honestly don't even understand why people are still planning weddings right now. It can wait until the crap is over
Stephenie Stone
This is not a new Coronavirus induced topic. There has always been a limitation to venues, etc. so what do you do? You properly and respectfully invite the right number of people to your event. No need to “over send” invitations to a larger group and insult them in the process. Corona can’t be used as an excuse here.
Mme de Poppadom
"We need to divide up into teams, but it’s winner-take-all so no need to divide evenly. We need an A-team, a backup team and a just-have-fun team. So you guys all know yourselves."
So glad my son was able to postpone his September wedding until 2021!
Offensive and unacceptable
Signe Manat Hansen
I refuse to rank my social circle. Ever. Nas if you do those you're trash.
Ahahah! I would just tell the to sod off.
Entitled groom and bride, easily offended guests. They deserve each other.
Kathy Kennedy
It makes me think negatively about this chick and her world. I bet the C players are genuine human caring souls.
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