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Woman Gets Cheated On 3 Weeks Before Her Wedding, Asks If She's A Jerk For Not Letting Her Sister Get Married Instead (Interview With Professional)
Even the best-laid plans can fall apart. And weddings are no exception. An anonymous woman turned to Reddit and shared her emotionally-draining story about how her wedding fell apart and led to quite a bit of drama.
Woman Gets Cheated On 3 Weeks Before Her Wedding, Asks If She's A Jerk For Not Letting Her Sister Get Married Instead (Interview With Professional)
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Even the best-laid plans can fall apart. And weddings are no exception. An anonymous woman turned to Reddit and shared her emotionally-draining story about how her wedding fell apart and led to quite a bit of drama.

After her fiancé cheated on her, she called off the wedding. However, that left the humongous task of canceling absolutely everything to do with the event. From vendors to venues. The woman’s sister decided that she might as well take over the wedding and get married to her partner.

But the woman wouldn’t have it and canceled everything. The Am I The Assh*le community on Reddit discussed whether or not she behaved like a jerk by saying “no” to her sister. Read on for the full story.

The woman’s story got over 13.8k upvotes, several awards, and the vast majority of redditors thought that she was in the right.

However, some internet users also pointed out that it would have been financially smart to have let her sister take over the wedding. While others pointed out how important it is to deal with similar situations delicately so as to not poison relations with the entire family for a long time to come.

Big events like weddings tend to amplify any family drama there might be. Emotions and tempers might be running high, so it’s important to know how to deal with such situations and any potential fallout.

Bored Panda reached out to Sarah and Anna of The Celebrant Society to ask them about how best to deal with family drama at weddings. Here's what they had to say: "The best way to avoid family drama is to identify any potential risky people, situations, encounters, and enlist the help of your more reliable family members, friends, or others not involved. "

"Make sure they can recognize when something might be about to kick off and guide the risky family members away from each other or the situation!"

Sarah and Anna said that if drama does happen, there are some things that you can do. "If something does occur, make sure your helpers (whether it be your trustworthy brother, your soothing aunt, or the wedding party) have a damage control plan."

"Get those pesky family members separated quickly and make sure your venue coordinator is prewired of any unhealthy dynamics—most coordinators are really great at navigating awkward or intense family dramas and controlling any aggressive behavior."

The duo added that you shouldn't stress yourself out on your wedding day: "It's your day to have fun and let others deal with the drama. You don't have to feel responsible to manage it yourself. Delegate to others and trust that they'll sort it out if it happens—focus on the fun and all the love around you!"

Brandi Hamerstone, the owner of a Cleveland-based wedding planning company, told Mekita Rivas of Shondaland that the majority of the weddings they plan have drama and some have serious issues. That’s why it’s important to spot problems and identify the people who might disrupt your ceremony well in advance. Forewarned is forearmed, as they say.

Meanwhile, wedding expert Kylie Carlson explained that it’s important to let your wedding vendors know about any potential family drama in the making. After all, they’re professionals and could help you out in ways you couldn’t even imagine.

Another thing to keep in mind is where everyone’s going to sit. You wouldn’t want to put two people who absolutely hate each other’s guts right next to each other, right? It’s best to spread out people who loathe one another and surround them with people who’ll dilute their drama.

Last but not least, if you’re very worried that someone might ruin your wedding with their penchant for drama, ask yourself this one simple question: should they be at your wedding?

Do you have any other sound advice to keep in mind for weddings, dear Readers? Has a family member tried to “steal” your wedding? Share your thoughts with us in the comments.

Comments (64)
Yoel Shapiro
The idea of switching weddings could be given a positive interpretation, you dodged a bullet and it could bring you an your sister closer. BUT it shouldn't cost you a dime! No one needs to make a bargain of your sorrow, and no one close to you should even want that.
Demi Zwaan
Can I just say how good it is that she cancelled the wedding and the relationship?! A lot of women will go on with it anyway, hoping and thinking that is was a mistake and everything will be alright, yada yada, and it never is.
Ana
I feel bad for this lady. Also, there is no mention of her finance participating in the wedding planning at all. He didn't participate financially either. She needs time to heal and reevaluate her choices and pick herself up again. I understand the practicality of her sister taking over the wedding details but the family could have been more understanding of her situation. Hope she has many good things coming to her in the future.
A Shipper
It's true there are 2 sides to every story but the poster made it clear that this is all very painful for her. If she was relieved and somewhat happy that she's not marrying a cheater then, maybe (very maybe), it would be okay to pass the wedding on to her sister, but the sister would have to fully refund her. And to potentially wear the dress is outrageous.
TheKnightOwl
So many websites turn to Reddit (particularly r/AITA) for stories now. I don't understand this, isn't it just lazy journalism?
MagicalUnicorn
that's high level assholery from author's sister
K B
Yikes. Where do these horrible mothers, sisters, friends, etc come from? I could never imagine someone close to me ever coming at me with an idea like that, just out of sheer respect for me as a person. You did the right thing, you should really consider taking that money and taking yourself on a getaway for a bit. Sad to know that some people are so opportunistic they will try to take advantage of others in their worst moments of pain. Good luck to you, and I hope you can heal from all of this nonsense.
Cat
I have a sister and I would never put money before her well being. I feel sorry for the lady
Gabi
That's why my wedding is gonna be like: I grab the dude by his ears, collect two random strangers off the streets, we go to sign the papers and then have a nice dinner with family&friends. Cheaper, faster and still everyone happy.
Hollie Newton
It's the fact she told everyone but you first. Then had the cheek to say 10 month repayment plan which trust from experience she'll start paying then let it die off slowly. You are not an asshole you want to move on with your life and have time to heal. Besides which it's like you said you need that money for a holiday
manowce
it was supposed to be HER date. I can't imagine how would she feel every time that anniversary came up. also how could they expect her to have fun and enjoy her sister's wedding when she just got cheated on? I hope she cancelled the whole thing.
Captain Awesome
Two words can deal with most dumbass requests by family members. FUCK OFF!!
Katinka Min
No money, no wedding. Period. If the sister feels great just taking over someone elses plans, ok. Weird, but why not. But to inform everybody about this and only THEN asking her sister if she is ok with it, is a giant dick move. If I was in the shoes of the poster, I would pribably not atteend or at least not attend all of it. i certainly would not do it without payment upfront knowing that my sister is a selfish weasel.
Anne
No no, dancing on ashes will only cause you to catch fire and burn.
hobbitly
So your sister wanted to profit from your misery by paying you only 60%? Very wrong of her.
Alizay Hamdani
Only thing i can think of ... Thank God I do not have a sister.
Gerry Higgins
Totally insensitive to even think of taking over the wedding.
Country Nana
If I were the other sister I'd: ask the jilted sister how she felt about it. If she was okay with the basic idea, I'd darn well make sure I had a legal payment plan ready before asking her. If she said no, I'd give her a hug. (If, of course, she didn't pull a drama queen hissy fit over the question.) If I were the jilted sister, I personally might get some satisfaction sending wedding announcements, or even invitations to, jerk, his family and friends. But to sister, the first thing I'd say would be "Show me the money!"
Mad Mar
Your money. Your planning. Your refunds. Either she could have gotten a loan knowing she could repay it then and there before asking or just kept quiet and supported you. You didn't do anything wrong. It's like throwing a party and having to cancel last minute. You went and returned what you could. That doesn't mean because you can't throw a party someone else gets to host it.
An Opinion
Sounds fair enough. No cancellation fees etc.
C
I'd say money up front or plan your own wedding
Lisa Beth
I stopped reading when her story ended. She did the right thing and her family was f'd up for even asking such a thing never mind going about in such an underhanded way. It was almost as though they were waiting to tell her all of this until they knew she wouldn't be able to get any refunds. I hope she goes on a long vacation and the sister elopes to Vegas.
Bunzilla
Okay, this is incredibly messed up. The fact that her sister just decided, on her own, that she would just take everything over so that she would basically get a free wedding, usurping what should have been the OP's happy day... How incredibly insensitive. And the fact that she'd already told everybody about this, before asking her sister... that's really horrible. I feel so bad for her. The prospect of this sister taking over even her wedding dress just puts it over the top. It's beyond just rubbing salt into an open wound. Like she said, she probably never would have seen that money again if her sister said that she'd 'pay her back' (relatives rarely do). The very first thing that should have been done in this case, would be to ask the OP if it was okay. That should have happened before simply deciding that it would be fine, and honestly, not doing so shows a lack of respect and caring for the OP and the pain she's going through.
Becca Gizmo the Squirrel
Surely the new bride and groom intend to take over and pay and not expect her to foot the bill. If that's the case of be ok with it.
Christina Uhlir
As per description, the woman was right to cancel the wedding; most likely would not get paid back.
Id row
This all could have been handled so much better. For the sister to just say, 'we're taking your wedding and I'm going to wear your dress, ok?' really sucks. They didn't even discuss it with her before they dropped that bomb. I would have told them all to go f themselves, too. But if they had approached me before they started planning and gently said, "I'm so sorry things turned out the way they did, I can't imagine what you're going through. But I thought maybe we could turn lemons into lemonade by using the venue and vendors, if that's ok with you. I promise to pay you back for everything and this is what I can afford to give you each month." And then leave out the part about the dress entirely. Get your own dress, that's going to be a heartbreak to see someone else in it no matter what. That's what would have angered me the most.
kate logan
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Jo Choto
Your whole life just fell apart in front of your eyes and your family is trying to use it to celebrate in your face, using all your money, your planning, your ideas and your hard work? I don't think so, sister. NTA!
Makayla Wilson
so sorry
Monika Soffronow
The better idea is to skip weddings altogether or to do a simple marriage ceremony at the city hall. Waste of money, IMHO.
Jackie
NTA. Her sister should've checked with her. She also should've been more considerate of her feelings.
KombatBunni
This is the kind of shit my sister would pull, and my family would back her all the way! I say this poor lass did the right thing and her sister can pay for her own wedding..what a horrible thing to do..
HC
I would have asked my sister if she'd like to take it over. However, that isn't happening. I can't imagine this girl's pain. Her fiance goes behind her back and cheats, and then her sister goes behind her back and the mother supports it. Her whole world is unstable, and she can't get the support and respect she needs from her own family.
Bee Diaz
Your family are unfeeling jerks. Your sister sounds like a leech. They also betrayed you by not telling you they did not cancel and tried to use you instead. I cannot understand people like this. It is clear that you were already betrayed by your fiance and would be so hurt. How unfeeling of them to try and use your wedding for her. She should plan her own wedding, her date and her venues, so it would not be a hurtful memory to you. You did correct, cancel everything and return the dress, by no means allow her to use your failed wedding, in your face, when you are hurting. Take yourself off somewhere and relax, forget the drama. I do not think your family is worth it.
Azure Adams
this is why I'm down with eloping and surprise weddings
Carol Roeder
Truthfully I think the guy is a jerk and it was good to find that out before she married the turd! Sorry, I think her sister is also a jerk for trying to skank her own sister out of her money. I'm sure one Miss Almost A Bride, will find a real man to fall in love with that will treat her right.
MaryBored Pasaribu
My sister would never ever do this to me.. Some people can be so selfish when it comes to their bussiness.. The only thing the sister have to do is to hold you and comfort you.. because that is sister are for..
misteriosa
I would maybe, MAYBE get over the whole thing and let her take it, but there is one crucial detail which is unforgivable- they arranged the other wedding FIRST, then notified the author of the post later. That is so rude and inconsiderate and awful af, I'd cancel the whole thing as well just out of spite because they were such pricks.
KT Trondsen
Yeah the whole thing stinks
Tifferooski
Honestly, the only that really pisses me off about this is how much weddings cost and how much people are willing to pay for them.
deanna woods
Everytime I read one of these wedding stories, I feel bad for the OP and embarrassed for the family members that think that behaving like this is normal. I would never ever ask my sister who has been jilted by her fiancee if I can take over her wedding. It always seems like the person who wants to take over the wedding has pulled stunts like this their whole lives. If you are too lazy and too cheap to plan your own individual wedding then maybe you should be married at your local courthouse.
Clavelle
That is a tough situation. My first instinct would be let her have it as long as everything was settled financially. But I think it's easy to choose sides when you're not in the actual situation.
Jason Doakes
All so vindictive and egocentric, how can any good come out of it? The bride-to-be has been betrayed by her fiancee, now she projects betrayal on anyone. If it wasn't dubious that she gets her money back, which might also be paranoia, I think she is a complete assh* for acting like this. The sister gave her an out, she wouldn't have to do anything besides hoping to get her money back. Is there anything better than "not having to do anything" after sh*t hits the fan? She could just sit in her apartment, trying to get on with her life and just leave everything behind her, but no, she feels betrayed by her "I-will-pass-on-my-own-dream-wedding-so I-can-help-you-out"-Sister and drags the end of the relationship process out into infinity. Now her bad relationship doesn't end with her fiancee leaving, her family is now part of the end-of-the-relationship. So in the end, if it's only about money, she's an assh*, but I somehow understand, if it's not just about money, she's just an assh*.
Carol Emory
This is a Yes and No on the A**hole thing. I, like you, would have given the family a chance to buy the wedding off of you so you could get your money back...but the dress is off limits. That's too personal. And as far as your sister saying she'd pay you back half of the 60%..uhm..no. It's either the whole enchilada or nothing. If she can't cough up the money, let your parents reimburse your costs and then they can collect from your sister. As far as knowing that they are getting married at your venue, on your anniversary..that's just something you'd have to get over. It doesn't mean you have to go to the wedding, but..other than money..there is nothing in concrete saying that the venue or the date is solely yours and yours alone.
John Louis
Again, Again, Again I wish to bring to your attention that you are only getting one side of the story. I think it is morally wrong to make a judgment without hearing from the sister and the mother. Why does Boredpanda insist on including these screwed up family dramas? Even Jerry Springer lets both sides vet!
Jon S.
The sister taking the wedding seems like the ideal solution on paper. The jilted bride gets more money back than by cancelling (and although it will not be instant, surely she had budgeted to not have that money), the sister gets what she wants. The vendors are not out of pocket. Family vacation days do not have to be re-planned and even some wedding gifts could be flipped. Cancelling everything seems like a lashing out over something small when you have been hurt by something big.
Hans
I am realizing that manz people have a very strange relationship with money. Rather than doing something that is rational and reasonable, they will rather engage in trouble...just for the sake of it.
Leo H
So i guess alot of women are selfish b....so thousands of dollars were waisted...im assuming one cant just call off djs,venues,catering,flowers....or youd atleast lose a sizeable deposit... We as americans are nutty about weddings..even when there is no wedding..it still has to be about her
Leo H
The groom didnt pay because hello...women go nuts over weddings..spending thousands they dont have just to have her day... My point exactly..its not his day
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