Social Issues
30 'What Women Don't Want From Men' Tweets That Show What Toxic Men Should Stop Doing In 2020
“Raising sons to be feminists and to respect all women and people of all genders and sexualities, is not just about teaching young men to respect women, but also critically teaching a sense of positive masculinity."
30 'What Women Don't Want From Men' Tweets That Show What Toxic Men Should Stop Doing In 2020
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It’s 2020 and a fresh new decade has started. However, this doesn’t mean that absolutely everything will be different right from the get-go. People will still be imperfect and things like stereotypes and misinformation will still exist.

That’s why the ‘What Women Don’t Want From Men’ hashtag exists on Twitter—it’s a reminder from women about what not to do and what not to act like. Bored Panda collected some of the very best tweets with this hashtag, so scroll down, and upvote the ones you think are right. And read on for our interviews with Elizabeth Arif-Fear, writer and founder of the Voice of Salam which promotes interfaith humanity and human rights, as well as with Suzanne Degges-White, professor and chair in the Department of Counseling and Higher Education at Northern Illinois University.

Be sure to check out our previous article about men talking about which myths about them are 100% not true. And let us know in the comments below what you think of the ‘What Women Don’t Want From Men’ hashtag, and whether you believe the tweets are accurate or if they revolve around stereotyping men.

Elizabeth Arif-Fear, writer and founder of the Voice of Salam which promotes interfaith humanity and human rights, told Bored Panda that the main things that make women lose respect for men are a misogynistic attitude and lack of respect for people around them.

Bored Panda was also interested to hear Arif-Fear’s opinion about what character traits she’d like all men to have. This is what she had to say: “Egalitarian values, respect for women and all human beings, kindness, compassion, loyalty. A sense of humor is also good, as is a bit of romance.”

The founder of the Voice of Salam had some advice on how parents should raise their sons. “Raise them with a sense of positive masculinity and egalitarian values. Positive masculinity, to teach them that it's ok to cry, that they should not be scared of their feelings, that they should be proud of who they are and that being a man doesn't mean controlling or feeling threatened by women.”

“Raise them as proud feminists with an ethos of positive masculinity. This leaves no room for misogyny or misandry either. Avoid rigid toxic gender stereotypes—let them develop as individuals into who they are, whilst nurturing a sense of strong respect for them and people of all sexes and genders.”

Arif-Fear continued: “I'd like to add that raising sons to be feminists (knowing what that really means) and to respect all women and people of all genders and sexualities, is not just about teaching young men to respect women, but also critically teaching and modeling a sense of positive masculinity. Men should not feel 'ashamed' to cry or ashamed to be male due to the suffering of women.”

“Rigid gender norms need to be addressed. Equality, compassion, and respect for everyone should be taught, including (and due to the state of society today) a spotlight on how to treat women, women's rights, and what makes a good son, brother, father, husband, friend, colleague, neighbor.”

“Raising sons as feminists and with a sense of positive masculinity should and must go hand in hand, whilst also allowing for gender fluidity, individualism and ignoring rigid gender stereotypes,” Arif-Fear explained her position.

Now that we know some of the things that women don’t want, what are the things that women do need? “There are a couple of different types of cross-gender, non-romantic relationships. There are true platonic friends and then there are the friends-with-benefits friends,” Degges-White told Bored Panda. “In true platonic friendships, compared to FWB relationships, there is typically a lot more investment of time and energy in the relationship’s well-being. Compared to what they offer their FWBs, true friends are more likely to offer emotional support and constructive feedback; help out each other more often; share their feelings and seek support from one another; and involve one another in their larger social network.”

“Women typically do not need to “co-opt” a male friend’s attention and time, as they typically do in a romantic relationship. In romantic relationships, women tend to expect more exclusive attention from their partners and also they engage in more “territorial” behaviors than they would in a friendship. These might include engaging in PDAs and expecting a romantic partner to be receptive to these shows of affection as well as expecting a partner to initiate these as well. Women might also expect their romantic partners to prioritize them in ways that they do not expect friends to do—while we totally get that friends have other friends and busy lives, women may expect their romantic partners to put her ahead of others and other commitments in their lives.”

The professor continued: “In essence, friendships imply less concentrated/focused attention between the two people; a lot fewer discussions about the relationship itself—“defining the relationship” isn’t typically necessary in open and clear friendships; and no worries about a friend’s flirtation or sexual interest in other women.”

“Romantic relationships, however, often require partners to talk about the state/status of their relationship. There are also expectations about monogamy, fear of infidelity, and level of commitment/permanency of the relationship. However, the healthiest romantic relationships also include the basic elements of a healthy friendship—with the added bonus of mutual romantic and sexual attraction. Typically, romantic partners expect one another to prioritize their needs over those of friends and to devote time and attention to the relationship in ways that they would never expect friends to do.”

According to professor Degges-White, the number one thing that most likely leads to women losing respect for men is “duplicity which leads to a loss of trust. This can be enacted through promises that aren’t kept, untruths that are told, or emotional or actual infidelity—sexual or platonic.”

She added: “Once a person has lost trust in another, respect evaporates just as quickly.”

“Cross-gender friendships can be awesome as they provide women and men with new perspectives, however research suggests that both genders fear that a partner’s cross-gender friendship will lead to infidelity,” Degges-White said. “However, women and men both believe that they can maintain a platonic friendship with a cross-gender friend. The important thing for partners to do with one another is to be open and upfront about their friendships with people of the opposite gender. If you try to hide a friendship, partners will assume that you are trying to hide something even bigger than “just a friendship.”

Degges-White looked at what women aged 18 to 75 need from the men in their lives.

According to the professor, women look for fairly similar qualities in romantic partners that they look for in male friends: they want to be treated fairly. But there are some differences in what women expect and need from men depending on the closeness of their relationships with them.

Dr. Degges-White explains that women expect all the men they meet in their lives to have moral integrity. Meanwhile, they also value “relational sensitivity” when it comes to male friends and partners. But when it comes to romantic partners, what the professor describes as “satisfying intimacy” is incredibly important to keep “the romantic spark burning.”

“Women should be given the same respect that men offer other men. When a person is made to feel disrespected or patronized, the relationship is likely to end sooner rather than later. In terms of romantic relationships, even when you’re angry or disappointed by a partner, respect should be maintained,” professor Degges-White explains.

The professor continued: “Women need men to show kindness, patience, understanding, empathy, and compassion. Regardless of the type of relationship, men and women should be considerate of each other's feelings.”

Bored Panda also talked to Jacqui, for whom loyalty and respect are the most important qualities for men to have. "I would like men to appreciate what they have and be loyal and honest with not just their partner but themselves and although women can be just as bad these days. I'm speaking from my own perspective and I am old-school and loyalty is a big thing to me. And a lot if men I come across seem to be lacking this quality and others. Which has resulted in my being single for a long time."

"I have a son and I always have taught him and he knows that being honest is the best thing to do and be. As you will always be respected more for telling the truth. And that one woman is enough for any man. And that no matter what neither party should accept any kind of abuse or lack of putting there needs first. And always remember if treat her like Queen she will will treat you like a King."

Jacqui continued: "All men are not the same: some men do appreciate and man-up, own and hold the own. It just seems these men are already spoken for. Maybe I've just had bad luck. So sometimes being very loyal and everything in one is sometimes not good enough for men. But this can also apply to women. In this day and age, I believe that males and females can be as bad as each other."

"But the sad thing is when someone as loyal and decent as myself who just wants a happy, settled life seems to get a kick in the teeth. Don't you find that this is common? Maybe they have been hurt too much, as I know I have, and stayed single for years because of it, but it seems no matter what you do or how secure I try to let them feel, pride is a big thing with men also. If you really love, care, appreciate, and value each other, then it shouldn't so hard. If it takes too much effort and drags you down, then it's nothing more than a toxic unhealthy relationship that will end in disaster. Men can be selfish and women, too. But sometimes you have to grow up and stop that nonsense and learn that if you can't be what your partner needs, let them go."

Comments (80)
C
Some of these are unnecessarily angry. Don't buy me a stuffed animal! No kitchen appliances!! Don't propose on Christmas!! Sounds like a lot of demands about harmless things.
Kaisu
Women: Men, please treat us like humans. People on BP: I can't handle this man bashing ?
Destiny nerd
Seriously, can we stop complaining about such trivial shit as this!? I can understand a couple of these, but the vast majority are just stupid and are for a lack of ideas. While it is hard to comprehend, men have issues and angers too, ut are not talked about because of this kind of thing. I am not saying female issues shuld be ignored, I am simply saying we should stop shifting everything onto male shoulders.
Living_Shadow
I think that while a lot of these are completely valid and true, some, such as the stuffed animal one and the holiday proposal one are more opinionated and don't apply to all women. Those ones are based on preference. Putting that aside however, while this post is valid, there are so many on this site like this. Women vs. Men stuff. It's pretty obvious BP is doing it for clout :/
Royakuss
On "Mansplaining"; to be clear, men do this to other men. In fact there are people out there of any gender that seem to have no faith in the abilities of others to think and perform basic tasks. I imagine that it comes from a very similar place as micromanagement.
Sterrinatu
I have been down voting posts like these as soon as I see them. I dont' read them and I didn't read this one, I'm tired of seeing these. They only start arguments and we are feeding into it.
Jack Chandra
Yet another "man bash" post. Are some guys jerks? Absolutely. Are some women also jerks? Absolutely. Yet man bashing is all the rage here.
Falcon
A lot of these go both ways, but manbashing is popular right now, so yay.
Ed Souza
Yay! Happy New year everyone. Only the 3rd day of the year and already a men hating post on BP. CONGRATS! How would things turn out if someone made a post about annoying things women do to men? Not very well I bet.
Melissa Nunya
Some are ok, some sound like angry bitching. Choose your battles ladies ;)
Zintoki
It's still important what men want or what problem men facing? I don't think anymore...
Stormschance
To not be included in this type of ridiculousness. If you're around toxic behaviour enough that you need to complain about it, ask yourself why you put yourself in that position. If the toxic behaviour is unavoidable simply smile and don't take it personally, because it isn't. Carrying around anger will only hurt you. Also stop stereotyping men, it makes you as bad as the ones you're bashing.
BusLady
Here's an idea: Just be open about what a man is doing that annoys you. Even a stranger in public. If he won't leave you alone, RUN!!!
Justin Nixon
This article is a joke and just used to get clicks. This morning the title said 54 what women dont want from men. This evening almost half the twitter posts where removed to fit some agenda and now its only 30. Yall suck
Daniel McGeachie
I know jacqui Personally & & she is one Incredible woman, she knows what she's talking about. She an absolute Diamond. I Love Your article. I'm so proud of You.xx Well done.
Barrie May
Man here. Single, nice, not a total dick. Staying out of the game, the 'battle of the sexes' is an utter shitshow in 2020!!
Jason Doakes
What is this 1960? In what country are most of these even a thing anymore? Oh wait...
Ben Smith
All I see here are 30 undateable women.
Dwayne Dixon
Wow, this just puts an explanation point on how obvious the divide is between women and men in general. We are wired completely differently. What one person finds to be an 'obvious' or intended offense wasn't necessarily intentional. We will never ALL see eye to eye but just need to make an effort to be polite and conscious of each others situations. All of this hatred is extremely non productive.
Katerina Huskova
Very, very sad that in 2020 we, women, need to make such statements.
ivan bolitekurac
Oh jesus ?‍♂️
Si
In 2020, I would like people to stop blithely giving away female civil liberties in response to the social threat of sexist violence. Like: “well women should cover up, women should not walk there alone/ or there/ take the short cut/ use public transport at night/ park their car there/ get a taxi/ use Uber/ ride their bikes/ wait at bus stops/ go for runs alone/ smile at strangers/talk to people they don’t know/ go to bars/ go to parties/ drink/ accept drinks/ let their drink out of their sight/ work late/ go to the park/ own a dog that needs walking/ run a B&B/ travel alone etc, etc”, whatever random thing they come up with in response to the latest attack. If they must, then could they at least stop expecting women to also be friendly, sociable, caring, to talk to strange men who strike up conversations with them, smile, dress nicely, accept drinks and invitations, to be fit, etc.
Full Name
So many of these are absolute hypocritical bullshit. I'm fine with everything that's posted....so long as it's not hypocritical and cherry picking. I guarantee you this is a one way street.
Monty Glue
When my boss would fret about his wife's upcoming birthday, I'd tell him to get her a new mop and a bucket on wheels with a wringer attached. (This was in jest) He told me if he ever tried that he would get his throat slit in his sleep. I didn't like my boss very much, but I LOVED his wife. She wasn't taking any $hit from him!
ShireenAin'tWoke
The feminists are at it again, oh joy... ?
YoyoSthlm
Every man that commented on this post should go back to their moms basement and chat with their Incel buddies. And don't forget to pay your monthly fee for that pornsite.
Edward Doherty
Why does 50% of the adult population of earth require constant validation?
Krazy Kanuck
This comment has been deleted.
Soba
1. pay for your dinner 2. learn that you are nor a prize to win. 3. spend more time on hygiene and less on make up! (yeah) 4. just because we had sex and you feel ashamed of what you did, it does not mean we raped you. 5. in a he said she said, he said is EQUALLY important. 6. learn that compliments are same, your feeling about the person that is giving them to you, defines the creepiness. 7. seeing women as objects is the same as seeing men as "banks" "future husbands" "sperm machine" and etc. just because I want you for sex, it doesn't mean your intentions are innocent. 8. it's ok to not to shave but also it's okey for us to not like you.
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